Words: Valaniece Christina
I once made the mistake of referring to a guy I used to **insert non-committal non-label which is still a label in and of itself here** as an ex, only for a friend to laugh and call me delusional. “You guys were never even together,” the friend said, dismissively.
It was, apparently, wrong to acknowledge the emotional reality after spending months being intimate and connecting on a deeper level with another person, only for it to never become a serious relationship. We can’t call it dating, or use the word “ex”, so we had to invent something else. Enter: the term situationship, the infamous internet colloquialism which has entered the mainstream lexicon. A portmanteau that refers to the confusing not-quite-a-friend-but-not-quite-a-partner nature of the dynamic. But why is it such a stretch to refer to that person as someone you once dated or even an ex? Why are we so uncomfortable with verbiage that implies any hint of emotional attachment or significance? It’s gotten to the point that nobody goes on “dates” anymore, we just “hang out”. The linguistics of modern romance have become increasingly ambiguous, shielding us from vulnerability and creating a culture where people are participating in intimacy while avoiding the reality of it. But can those linguistics also give us a solid answer once and for all? Does your old situationship count as an ex or not?
Merriam-Webster defines a situationship as “a loosely defined sexual or romantic relationship between partners who are unclear about the exact nature of the relationship in terms of the other partner’s level of commitment and future expectations”. In essence, a situationship is a bit more than a friendship but less than a relationship.
While situationships possess many of the same qualities of a normal relationship, such as physical intimacy, some level of emotional depth and familiarity, the biggest notable difference is the lack of a formal title and commitment, and the language used around situationships reflects that distinctive noncommittal quality. Those in situationships don’t go on dates they “hang out”. They don’t break up, they “ghost”. They’re not “dating” they’re just “talking”. They’re not “exclusive”, they’re “keeping it casual”. And because of this lack of clarity, communication between both parties is incredibly vague. Hence the “what are we?”of it all. So we must first define what an ex is.