Non Threatening Boys*: My Big Fat James Spaderthon
"I was never truly familiar with his game... until I insatiably binge-watched five of his movies back-to-back in less than 24 hours."
Words: Hatti Rex
Illustration: Bridget Meyne
Please forgive me for my past ignorance, but 2025 is the year I truly saw James Spader for who he really is: an incredible actor and a lovable freak. I’m often quite slow to pick up on hype and was never truly familiar with his game… until my Easter weekend fixation, which saw me insatiably binge-watching five of his movies back-to-back in less than 24 hours. Thankfully, my eyes have been opened.
I’d initially kicked off proceedings with a rewatch of Secretary, an exceptionally horny film where Maggie Gyllenhaal’s character takes the title role as Spader’s admin assistant. Without spoiling what happens, the story escalates into a power dynamic exploration and inevitably, what it means to submit fully. The film has an enduring appeal with Tumblr-pilled 18-year-olds figuring out the limits of their sexuality, but has had a new influx of interest as Gyllenhaal’s costumes became widely referenced within the office siren trend and the online discourse around the pornification of these unrealistic workwear styles. Enfants Riches Dèprimes recently created a direct replica of the character’s restrained officewear look in their SS25 collection.
Whilst the characters Spader inhabits range from non-threatening to vaguely threatening (his character Steff in Pretty In Pink is a snobby arsehole), it’s easy to appreciate their softly spoken directness and his lowkey lethal face card. He often plays quietly assertive men who aren’t afraid to go after the unconventional objects of their desire, his blunt honesty a welcome remedy to the wishy-washy weirdos of my own depressingly doomed dating life. His voice and mannerisms are wildly attractive: the intensity of his gaze and his coy smile make me feel fully feral. Respectfully, awooga. Hubba hubba. My eyes have popped out of my skull in the shape of hearts.
Here’s what happened at the rest of my own personal Spaderthon, ranked in the exact order I watched them in. While you read the below, rest assured that I will be ravenously scrolling through every single TikTok fan edit of this man that I can find, because I am incapable of liking anything a normal amount. My algorithms have opened to the Spaderverse.
DANGER: There be Spader spoilers ahead!